I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
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I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
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The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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