We're like a lot better than the average bears
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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