um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
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Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
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The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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