Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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