Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize