i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
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It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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