ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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