I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
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All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
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I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize