Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
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she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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