Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
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