Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
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Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
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Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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