I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize