why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
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I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
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Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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