I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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