drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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