I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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