I accidentally had phone sex last night
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
smell my finger.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize