So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize