Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
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Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
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Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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