Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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