You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize