Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize