he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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