I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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