I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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