Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
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I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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