I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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