Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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