can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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