dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
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Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
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The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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