My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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