I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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