I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize