I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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