like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
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Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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