Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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