mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize