somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize