You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
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He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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