sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think my vagina is haunted
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
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We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
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I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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