Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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