you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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