she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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