He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
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I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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