decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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