the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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