Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
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No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
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Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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