True but thats because hes a fetus.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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