Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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