you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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